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How to find a friend group in college

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What happened to all your BFFs from high school and college? Chances are you need a new crew. When you graduate high school, it seems like your group of friends will stay close forever. For most people, that sentiment barely lasts through college. As great as it would be to hang on to all the personal connections we make throughout the years, people grow apart and move away.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to make FRIENDS in COLLEGE! (I knew NO ONE my first day...)

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What they DON'T tell you about making friends in college

Your College Friend Group Determines More Than Your Social Habits, Says Science

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One way to get a group of friends is to join an existing one. People often fall in with new groups automatically and without thinking about it. A guy might sign up for a club, immediately hit it off with several of the regular members, and before he knows it he's a part of the gang. At other times someone will have been in an environment for a while, did not naturally stumble into a group they've seen and want to be a part of, and now have to consciously figure out how to get into it.

For example, a new university student may not have made many friends during her first few weeks on campus , has noticed that a social circle has formed in her dorm, and wants to join.

However, she may be intimidated at the idea of trying. She may not know what to do, or worry about getting rejected because the group seems so tight and closed-off. When people talk of wanting to join groups they usually mean one of two things by it: They've identified a group they want to join, haven't talked to any of the members much, if at all, and don't know how to make the first move. They interact with the group at least somewhat regularly, but still feel like a guest or outsider, and want to join the inner circle.

However it is you want to join a group, this article will give some pointers for how to do that. First some disclaimers:. If you're not naturally compatible with a group's members and its mini-culture, no amount of savvy or technique is going to let you join it short of you masterfully pretending to be someone you're not, and if you'd need to do that you should look into your motivations for wanting to join it in the first place. The article will share general approaches for joining groups that would already be predisposed to having you around.

It can't offer much help to get you in with a crew you're not a match for. What I mean is that there are all kinds of groups who would be fine with you becoming a member. You just have to know how to go about it. This article will outline those fairly straightforward steps. It's not about how to wage a six-month espionage campaign to gradually sneak your way into some super-exclusive clique.

Some groups are open to having new people join them. Others are more exclusive. The exclusive ones usually aren't purposely trying to be snobby.

What's more common is that everyone is content with the group as it is, so they feel little need to add new members. Their in-jokes, shared history, and plain old comfort around each other can also unintentionally create a wall that keeps everyone else at arm's length.

Of course, sometimes a group can appear closed-off, because they don't go out of their way to include you, but if you made an effort to get to know them, they'd be happy to have you. If a group of five friends spend tons of time together and knows each other's every secret, they're going to be harder to join than a bunch of co-workers who go out and party every few weeks, and who only casually keep in touch with each other in between outings.

For the latter case getting in is mainly just a matter of letting them know you want come along the next time they all meet up. Like I just mentioned, longstanding groups are often tougher to get into. In newer groups everything is more up in the air and there isn't as much of that sense of, "These are the core members. Anyone else will have to earn their way in. If you've been at college for a month and a half, and it seems all these groups have solidified and you've missed your window to get into any of them, that's not the case at all.

Sometimes you're in a position where you already interact with some or all of the people in a group, like if there's one among your co-workers. At other times the group is trickier to access.

Maybe at the moment you can only hang out with them through an acquaintance, or you see them around, but would never naturally have a chance to talk to them. If you're the 'new person' it's expected you're going to try to find a group of friends.

No one is going to look askance if you go out of your way to introduce yourself to people or try to get in on their plans. Established groups, who may be more wary about someone they already know, are more likely to give you a chance. That's not to say it's a lost cause if you're not new somewhere, but all else being equal, it makes things a little easier. When some people talk of not knowing how to join a group, this is where they're stuck. They've got a group in mind they want to join, but don't know how to begin talking to them.

Your options for making the initial contact mainly depends on the access you have to the group. Here are the two main possibilities: Introduce yourself to everyone at once For example: You work at a big company.

In the cafeteria you notice there's a group of co-workers from another department who seem right up your alley. One day you ask if you can sit with them. You live in a dorm, but haven't clicked with anyone on your floor.

However, you know there's a fun-seeming social circle a floor below. One Friday night you pop down, see everyone hanging out in the lounge, where you figured they'd be, and ask if you can join them.

There's a gaming store on your campus, and every time you've walked by you could see a bunch of regulars hanging out and playing Magic: The Gathering. You walk in one day, introduce yourself, and explain how you're a fan of the game and looking for a group to play with.

I realize it takes a certain amount of guts to go up to a group of people and insert yourself into their conversation. You may worry it comes off as desperate. But if you're their type, and you generally come off as likable and confident, it can all go quite smoothly. If that makes you too nervous, you could always try the next option. Here I'm talking about cases where you still have to go out of your way to make contact with the group, and don't have an in through a mutual friend or something like that.

There are many ways to go about this, but here are a few examples. Again, this is just another option for meeting the group's members. It shouldn't be thought of as a way to subtly worm your way into a clique that would reject you if you approached them more directly: You've noticed a group you want to join that's in two of your university classes.

In a third class it's just you and one of the members. You get to know her in that class, and once you're friendly with her, start sitting with the whole group in the other two courses.

You play in a rec volleyball league and have noticed one of the other teams is a group of buddies who seem fun. A few weeks later at a league-wide end-of-season party you start talking to one of the guys and seem to get along. You ask him to introduce you to his teammates, which he does. You work as a busser in a fairly big restaurant and want to get to know the bartenders, who you don't get much of a chance to talk to during your shifts.

You become friendly with one of the servers who hangs out with them. When they go out after work one day she invites you along.

There's a group you've seen around campus that you're interested in, but aren't in a huge rush to become a part of. You know some members will be at a party you're going to.

You make a point to strike up a conversation with them there and hit it off fairly well. Over the next few weeks you chat to them briefly when you cross paths. About a month later you see them out at a bar with the whole group, say hello, and get to meet everyone else.

However you first make contact with a group, if you're a good fit for it this step may be the only point of struggle, and once you've broken the ice the rest will take care of itself. As for what to do once you've been introduced and are getting to know everyone, the ideas in this article may help:.

On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation.

Click here to go to the free training. Assuming you didn't effortlessly become accepted and ingrained in the gang as soon as you meet everybody, the work will be in moving from 'The group now knows I exist and seems okay with me' to 'I spend time with them regularly and consider them friends'. The next few sub-sections will cover parts of this process. A barrier some people run into it they'll successfully make initial contact with a group and become friendly with it in a light, casual way.

However, they're not getting in on the fun group activities that were one of the reasons they wanted to join it in the first place. Like they may now be able to chat to a group of guys in one of their classes, but not hang out with them on the weekends.

If you're in this situation there are a few things you can try: Like with making friends in general, you may just need to get it on the group's radar that you're someone they could hang out with outside of the context they first met you in. Once you let them know that you enjoy the same activities they do, they may get the picture and start keeping you in the loop e.

I've been playing the last few years. I'd be down to join your game if you have room. You could try arranging a get together yourself. Even if everyone can't make it, it will still send the message that you're interested in hanging out with them. For this suggestion you've got to use your judgment about whether it would be appropriate.

Some groups are fine with newer members trying to make plans. Others are more established and set in their ways, and will tune out ideas that don't come from their long-time friends. If you got into the group through one or two people, get connected to the other members This point applies whether you met the whole group from scratch, or were introduced to them through your best friend. Another group-joining problem people have is they'll start hanging out with a group regularly, but don't feel like they're a real part of it.

Even if everyone is nice to them, it's still more like they're perpetual guests of the friend s who got them into the group to begin with. Aside from just putting in more time see below , here are some ways to help dig yourself out of that situation: Of course, when you're all hanging out together take time to break away from your original friend s and get to know the other members.

Make it implicitly clear you want to become closer with everyone, and not just accompany your buddy to the odd get together. Get the other group member's phone numbers and add them on whatever social networks you all use. Aside from allowing you to get in touch with them, and sending another message that you want to get to know the whole group, it also frees you from having to rely on your closer friend s as your sole avenue for hearing about their plans.

Try to hang out with them regularly, and not just make the occasional appearance when your friend invites you along. Try proposing and organizing a plan of your own, if you think that would fly with the group.

Again, it signals you want to hang out with the group as a whole and subtly implies you're an insider who's trying to arrange a get together with his or her fellow members. While you want to get away from just being seen as the guest of one or two members, it's okay if you don't become super best friends with every last member.

How To Join An Existing Group Of Friends

As a young adult, it often feels like you don't even have to think about how to make friends. You've got college classes full of peers, a seemingly never-ending social calendar, and you never find it difficult to strike up a conversation with a stranger in a bar. Fast forward a few decades , however, and things aren't quite so simple. Managing the day-to-day family unit is tough enough, let alone trying to find time to squeeze in a social life.

One way to get a group of friends is to join an existing one. People often fall in with new groups automatically and without thinking about it.

Advertise Donate Newsletter. The image of flying friendless that first semester is a natural fear for many. Or not. These next few paragraphs should only take you three minutes tops to read, will give suggestions that require minimal effort, and might actually help you out.

How to Make Friends Online

Discover the connection between health and friendship, and how to promote and maintain healthy friendships. Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being, but it's not always easy to build or maintain friendships. Understand the importance of friendships in your life and what you can do to develop and nurture friendships. Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:. Friends also play a significant role in promoting your overall health.

50 Ways to Make New Friends After 50

With the rise of technology, making friends online is a growing and common occurrence. This is especially true and useful if you are someone who is attending online college. When you attend a traditional on-campus school, you will make friends in class, study halls, and at on-campus events. But when you attend an online college, you will need to try new methods to build friendships. Finding friends online goes hand-in-hand with finding new friends in real life.

Every semester, Fastweb helps thousands of students pay for school by matching them to scholarships, grants, and internships, for which they actually qualify.

Probably not since kindergarten have you been dropped into an almost entirely new group of peers. Whatever the case, the tips below will help you find lifelong friends and make the most of your college experience. And the good news is, making friends in college is much easier than you think!

5 tips for finding your ride-or-die friends in college

Consult these quick resources to get you started on the process this month. As we work to adjust to the current reality, make sure to check out these dedicated COVID resources : our directory of virtual campus tours , our directory of extended deadlines , as well as the list of schools going test optional this fall. January in College Life. In high school, I made a very huge mistake of being so introverted and self centered in my academics that I blindly did not attempt to make good friends with that many people.


If you're wondering how to make friends in college, you're definitely not alone. It's a challenge for everyone. Even if making new friends comes naturally, it can be difficult in an environment where literally everything is new. Entering a new campus, new classrooms, and new living situations can be overwhelming, to say the least. When paired with being in a sea of strangers, it can be straight up terrifying.

Here’s How You Actually Make Friends in College

Subscribe to our newsletter. And while you may think that staying up late studying is the major key to your academic success, a new study out of Dartmouth College says your friendships also have a profound effect on how well you do in school. McCabe found that students of color were most likely to belong to this group and the friendships could either motivate students to succeed academically or just as easily act as a detractor to their success. Compartmentalizers : Compartmentalizers have a few different friend groups based on specific circumstances or interests study buddies, athletic teams, brunch dates and tend to keep the groups separate from one another. McCabe found that those friendships that offered both social support and academic motivation were the most enduring over time.

Why not instead of joining a friend group, you hang out with some guys that you have How come I cannot find the friends I deep down truly like in college?7 answers.

I've already written an article with a lot of more general advice about how to make friends. A more specific question I've gotten is about how to make a group of friends. From what some people have told me, they don't have a lot of problems making individual friends, that they can do one-on-one things with, but they also want a group of buddies to hang out with. Here are my thoughts on how to do that:.

How To Make Friends in College: 7 Tips for Finding BFFs at School

Leaving your friends behind and moving into college can be scary. You're going to meet a variety of new people with different interests and backgrounds. And, as always, when you move into a new place without knowing anyone, making new friends can seem like a daunting task.

Perhaps it has already happened to you. In the first week or two of school, you quickly made a group out of the first few people you met. You all hung out between classes, went to dinner together, watched some movies in the dorm, checked out the welcoming dance in the Student Union, and drank too many beers on Saturday night.

I was probably four years old.




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