How to find a man for your wife
A leading blog on the science of sex, love, and relationships, written by social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller. How often do you come across men who want to watch their wife or girlfriend be with other men sexually? I am trying to slowly talk my wife into it. I am smart enough not to dog her about it. Any ideas or suggestions to help me out?SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to find the right partner - Tony Verheij - TEDxTwenteU
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How To Choose A Partner WiselyContent:
- 54 Small, Nice Ways to Be a Better Husband
- What Happens When a Married Woman Goes on Tinder?
- 35 Things Your Wife Always Wants To Hear
- 50 Ways to Inspire Your Wife
- 30 Ways to Love Your Wife
- Dear Therapist: I’m Considering Leaving My Wife for My Co-worker
- 9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband
- 10 Things Men Want From Their Wives
54 Small, Nice Ways to Be a Better Husband
On a recent evening, I was having drinks with a male friend — a single and actively-looking-for-a-long-term-relationship friend — when he asked me why there seemed to be so many married women on Tinder.
Did they just want to flirt? My husband and I met at a party on a quiet street in a college town. More women were beginning to see opening their marriages as a legitimate and in many ways appealing option. I wondered if Tinder, which brought the world of dating within finger-tap distance, was accelerating the shift? It seemed common knowledge that apps like Tinder had transformed single life and dating.
Were they transforming marriage as well? I was curious. We shared a house, political viewpoints, the responsibility of raising two small kids. For our birthdays, we bought each other things like electric blankets and warm wool socks and a Vitamix blender for making soup.
Okay, he said. Why not? And so we did. The first step in the process was to set up our profiles, which we decided to do together. Unlike most of the activities we shared laundry, taxes, attending birthday parties at inflatable bounce house venues , this turned out to be a lot of fun.
We both agreed that the most appealing descriptors seemed to be the shortest. Pete went with Writer. Terrible at introductions. I settled on, simply, Married woman. Within a few hours of beginning the experiment, my matches accumulated. I received one message after another, plenty from creeps but plenty from seemingly respectable suitors. For the first time in 16 years, men who were not my husband looked at me or at least at pictures of me , and told me they liked what they saw.
As a single woman, I might have rolled my eyes at their ogling. Now I blushed. It reminded me of how tipsy I got from the first beer I drank after nine months of pregnancy abstention.
Monogamy had made me capable of getting drunk on the male-attention equivalent of Miller Lite. I had suspected that when I told these Tinder men I was happily married and just experimenting, many would lose interest.
Instead, their responses were effusively and unanimously positive. Right on. Good for you, wrote another. I find that appealing and intriguing. It sounds perfect. You sound perfect. When can we meet? Goddess, Kim, one wrote. May I call you a goddess? May I belong to you? Tell me how I can please and serve you? I felt coveted and appreciated and valued and desired.
It all felt the way romance was supposed to feel —playful and exciting and unserious. At the same time, I could feel how exhausting the very same experience would be were I a single person looking for a committed life partner, a person with whom I wanted to live and own property and raise children. Perhaps, I thought, the less one needed from men, the more one could enjoy them.
One evening Pete and I sat side by side on the sofa while I conducted a conversation with a pleasant-enough-looking man from Berlin, who was in town only for a week and who would very, very, very much like to meet me.
To perform oral sex on you. So why is he winking?? Then we winked at each other for a few minutes, back and forth. I looked at my messages. Another guy had asked me what I was into. What are you into? He responded: I like to use a lot of alcohol and hard drugs and then have sex. It really enhances the experience. Just not really hard-core stuff like coprophilia pooping on each other.
Oh, I said. Great, he replied. He worked as some kind of consultant for an NGO and had been stationed for a year in a war-torn African country. We had a pleasant exchange of texts, a couple of warm conversations with decent rapport. My immediate reaction was repulsion, followed by a kind of morbid curiosity. Was there something to learn here? He tried begging. He tried calling.
In one aggrieved text he wrote, I work so hard at my job. All year I work day and night trying to help people who have nothing. When I come to the States for a holiday, all I want is to have fun and relax and enjoy a threesome with two beautiful, married women.
Is that so much to ask, Kim? Is it? I considered blocking him, but feeling suddenly and unexpectedly vulnerable, I decided to try deescalation.
I understand, I texted back. I really hope you get your married threesome. I put down the phone and waited for him to reply. I understand, he wrote at last. Thank you for your honesty and good luck on your journey. I closed the app and took a very long shower.
Pete was sleeping by the time I got in bed. I kissed his forehead and his eyelids and felt grateful for him. As for Pete, he was learning that married men on Tinder did not get quite the same level of positive feedback or harassment as married women. Matches were harder to come by, and when Pete reiterated to the women he matched with that he was in fact married, they did not think it was fabulous or awesome.
Go fuck yourself, one wrote. Gross, wrote another. Perhaps married women were simply beginning to want what married men have always wanted and come to expect: more. Already a subscriber?
Log in or link your magazine subscription. Account Profile. Sign Out. It started as an experiment. What I found made me want more. Tags: married women first person tinder dating open relationships open marriages marriage self More. Most Viewed Stories. Best of The Cut. More Stories.
What Happens When a Married Woman Goes on Tinder?
Too many men today have forgotten what it means to be a husband. Every marriage is different, yes, but ultimately there are some things that EVERY wife needs from her husband. He had lost his job about 6 months ago. She lost confidence in his ability to provide a stable home for the family both now and in the future, and so she wanted out. Every wife craves a feeling of security from her husband.
It's no surprise that sex is super important to men. Most times, men will admit that it's number one on their list for what they want in a marriage and research suggests that men do tend to have higher sexual desire than women. Husbands don't always ask their wives for what they want, but many of them have thoughts and feelings that they keep to themselves. For instance, some men feel a sense of responsibility to take care of their wives financially, even if she earns more or you worked out a dual-income contribution to the household. This example creates pressure that affects the relationship, so understanding his inner world will open you up to a world of understanding and opportunity.
Although marriage rates have dropped in the past ten years among men and women, many people are still looking to tie the knot. You can also improve your odds by searching for your perfect match in your daily life, or by striking out and trying something new. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Be upfront about what you're looking for. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "Online dating can be a great place to meet a spouse, but it's really important to state your intentions from the start. A lot of people can be shy about saying they want a serious relationship. They don't want to scare somebody off, but that can end up attracting people who don't want the same things as you.
35 Things Your Wife Always Wants To Hear
Want to start? For one, that will become exhausting for her. Try to friends or a mentor you can lean on for counsel, as well. This has the dual benefits of getting different perspectives on things, while also developing and strengthening those friendships, too.
An old story told from the island of Kiniwata relates the account of a man known as Johnny Lingo. The youngest and strongest man from the island, Johnny shocked the islanders by paying the father of his bride not the traditional two to three cows for his wife, or even the four to five cows for an exceptional wife. For Sarita, he paid eight. She was skinny.
50 Ways to Inspire Your Wife
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. Months ago, on a business trip, a female co-worker and I attempted to meet up with others for drinks, but when everyone else bailed, we decided to still go out.
Image by Brat Co. Making your partner happy is a cornerstone of a healthy and fulfilling marriage. You might think wives want something specific as women, but in reality, all humans have similar needs for connection, honesty, support, and validation. Everyone has different ways they want to receive love, but there are some common ways you can go about making your spouse happy on a regular basis. Below, we spoke with experts to discuss reliable ways to keep a marriage full of love and joy:.
30 Ways to Love Your Wife
She is a wife to a loving husband and a stay-at-home-mom to a sweet little boy with another little one on the way. She received her degree in Journalism and is a writer for the faith-based lifestyle blog, sparrowsandlily. She loves Jesus, event planning, baking and binge-watching Netflix with her husband. Find her on Instagram , Facebook and Twitter. Lindsey, you and Jesse did a great job of getting the six important ways of knowing your treating your wife well. Great job. Love you….
Husbands, do you worry that you don't know the "right" thing to say to your wife? We've got you covered. Because sometimes, "Honey, I'll put the kids to bed" means even more than "I love you.
Dear Therapist: I’m Considering Leaving My Wife for My Co-worker
It will do wonders for your marriage. Meet Don. Puzzled, Don considered her question for a long minute before answering.
9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband
10 Things Men Want From Their Wives